These three conversations all took place within the last 24 hours. If nothing else, it does show that truth is way better than fiction.
1. Setup: A friend emailed me about a dress she bought being a touch snug after some much needed dietary relaxation. We conversed about the possibility of juicing and elliptical training like a mad woman for two weeks, but my suggestion was much simpler: buy Spanx. The ones that go all the way up, and all the way down.
J: Update: Holy Fuck! Just tried on the dress with Spanx and it’s almost too big now! (JK about the big part, but still!!!!)
me: YAY! I told you…
J: OMG. I’m still going to go crazy with the elliptical trainer til then, but yayyyyyyyyyyy!
me: I’m so glad it worked. I’ve lost like 30 Spanx lbs before. Did you get the ones with the pee hole?
J: Yes! That was a bonus score.
2. Setup: Dear friend and blog loyalist text messages me while I’m out having dinner and cocktails with the hubs. (At Bistro du Midi, my stomping ground.)Reference is to yesterday’s blog post (below).
D: I like Combos.
me: You’re dead to me.
D: I am going to sneak into your apartment and lay them everywhere.
me: I’m going to then smash them and sprinkle them in your bed.
D: Well, perfect. I will have a late night snack.
3. Setup: This doesn’t need a setup.
anonymous woman: Is that a boner?
anonymous man: It’s a half boner.
anonymous woman: Get it off my thigh.
anonymous man: It’s called a semi. It’s perfectly normal morning blood flow.
anonymous woman: Awesome. Get it off my thigh.
5 thoughts on “conversations worth sharing”
Spanx have a pee hole? I’ve gotta get me one of those…
[jumping up and down and dancing at the mention of her on linabeau’s blog] next up.. guest spot on Wendy Williams show
If you are interested in juicing, I did Blueprint Cleanse and LOVED it. A disclaimer that the friend who did it at the same time did not like it. I will let you know next time they sample it at Exhale. If you like it, you can get the juices ($225 for 3 days, $75 for 1 day – you do it from 1-3 days), 3 days of unlimited classes at Exhale and a 60 minute massage or facial at the spa (3 days of juice comes with that offer).
Forgot to mention that the 3 day special with classes and a spa treatment is $295 (so only $70 more than you would pay for the juices alone). And you can pick everything up fresh at Exhale.
The four stages of penile erection, known to all fraternity pledges, are as follows:
4. Raging Woody