These three conversations all took place within the last 24 hours. If nothing else, it does show that truth is way better than fiction.
1. Setup: A friend emailed me about a dress she bought being a touch snug after some much needed dietary relaxation. We conversed about the possibility of juicing and elliptical training like a mad woman for two weeks, but my suggestion was much simpler: buy Spanx. The ones that go all the way up, and all the way down.
J: Update: Holy Fuck! Just tried on the dress with Spanx and it’s almost too big now! (JK about the big part, but still!!!!)
me: YAY! I told you…
J: OMG. I’m still going to go crazy with the elliptical trainer til then, but yayyyyyyyyyyy!
me: I’m so glad it worked. I’ve lost like 30 Spanx lbs before. Did you get the ones with the pee hole?
J: Yes! That was a bonus score.
2. Setup: Dear friend and blog loyalist text messages me while I’m out having dinner and cocktails with the hubs. (At Bistro du Midi, my stomping ground.)Reference is to yesterday’s blog post (below).
D: I like Combos.
me: You’re dead to me.
D: I am going to sneak into your apartment and lay them everywhere.
me: I’m going to then smash them and sprinkle them in your bed.
D: Well, perfect. I will have a late night snack.
3. Setup: This doesn’t need a setup.
anonymous woman: Is that a boner?
anonymous man: It’s a half boner.
anonymous woman: Get it off my thigh.
anonymous man: It’s called a semi. It’s perfectly normal morning blood flow.
anonymous woman: Awesome. Get it off my thigh.