this is a true story

Blogging can be stressful, especially blogging in the style that I do. Without really meaning to, I’ve set a standard for at least trying to be entertaining. Trying. When it’s not, I hear about it. (Like tonight, when the hubs told me that yesterday’s blog post was terrible. Thanks, dearie.)

But today, blogging wasn’t stressful at all. Why, you ask? Because at 11:47 PM a blog post fell out of the sky and landed in my lap. Let’s start at the beginning…

As you know, we divide the task of decorating into rooms. I thought it was my turn to be decorating the bedroom, but I was wrong. We’re in the midst of decorating the “sitting room” to be a little bit more guest friendly. (Apparently it’s a sign of growth and maturation that your abode be guest friendly. We even have extra linens and towels.) Since the hubs is an architect he’s all into mid-century furniture from far away lands. He recently scored a designer chair on ebay for a steal of a price because it needed some new screws or something. It was also decided upon delivery that it needed to be reupholstered. In cowhide.

As it turns out, cowhide is not free. Nor is it very cheap. According to the hubs, who I assume researched it on Google, it was going to cost around $300 for the little bit we needed. I’m from Texas. No way I’m paying that much money for anything cow.

So I called my mom to inquire.

Me: Mother, I’m looking for a cowhide to cover a chair.
Mother: Does it need to be cow?
Me: I guess it could be pony.
Mother: What about deer?
Me: No, no deer. Deer isn’t the right color. And the hair is too short.
Mother: Hmm. One second. Let me ask Kenneth.

(Kenneth is my step dad. He’s a farmer/rancher. They live on a farm.)

After some muffled chit chat my mom returns to the phone.

Mother: Kenneth says there is a dead cow in the pasture.
Me: Hmm. And it’s not rotten?
Mother: Kenneth? I’m asking Kenneth. Kenneth, do you think the buzzards have gotten it? No, he thinks it will be fine. Hold on. Kenneth, she’s in Boston. It’s going to cost her hundreds of dollars. What will it cost us to get the hide off that cow?
Me: I don’t want y’all to peel the hide off some cow and send it to me. Can you have it tanned? I mean, I was actually just thinking there was some fair or rodeo that would sell these things.
Mother: No no. We’re going to have Jeff do it. Do you know Jeff? You know Jeff. He just loves you. He’s the best taxidermist in Caldwell. We’ll have him do it. Kenneth, we need to make sure the buzzards don’t get it. Don’t worry, Bunny, Kenneth is going to take care of it tomorrow.
Me: All right. But don’t go crazy. I can always look online.

And that is the true story of how a Texas girl living in Boston gets some cowhide to recover her chair.

6 thoughts on “this is a true story

  1. Oh Lina! I laughed and laughed and laughed. Welcome to my world-believe it or not, the cow hide incident is perfectly normal in King land. Thank-you for a WONDERFUL start to my day!

  2. Hubs is not allowed to critique your blogging until he’s is blogging daily.

    Also, the all-caps format of the comments freaks me out.

  3. You failed to mention ThatI wouldn’t have gone near a dead cow in my past life and that there is a huge closet with my never to be wore again ball gowns in it. Nor the fact that you were a debutante that hated cow hide. I best go find the dead cow.

  4. Oh Lina… I have been in a shitty mood all week… you made me laugh out loud. I miss those conversations between you and your mama. Love love.

  5. Please do watch out for cow pox….similar to chicken pox, but attacks only the po. One mad cow you might say. However, do be extremely careful that it is not someone’s blue ribbon winner. That could make more than one mad cow…..I myself would do it in ink dipped turkey feathers (quite different)……,but zebra is cheaper. Must be ’cause too many people are wearing it! Send pictures….be sure and remove the horns before covering the seat….that could get mighty serious in a second………XXX’s Darlin’

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