I went to go see my nutritionist this morning. (Quick plug: if you are looking for a nutritionist in the Boston area, please let me know. Mine is gangbusters. She even has a sense of humor.) I had a strange sense of deja vu dashing to see her at 10AM, unshowered, with no makeup on. Years ago I used to see this Jewish psychiatrist with a glass eye in Cambridge and it was the same story every week. Hind sight is 20/20, but I still can’t believe that I didn’t realize that the first order of business when going to see a therapist should always be to rise early, shower, eat a good breakfast, and try to look like you have your shit together.

Not me, though. I would wake up 15 minutes before I needed to be there. Try to find some clean clothes (or just find some clothes), run to the nearest transportation depot and arrive panting, sweaty, and dressed like a cleaning lady. As I would sit there talking about my deep emotional wounds I could tell that my Jewish therapist was nodding on the outside, but really just wondering what was keeping me from offing myself and putting both of us out of our misery. (We ended our relationship after I got married. It was a combination of things, but mostly that his criteria for me “improving” consisted of me overcoming my judgments of other people. He didn’t understand that it wasn’t a product of low self esteem, it was actually my personality…)

Fast forward to today (roughly five years later) and I’m waking up 11 minutes before my appointment, throwing on clothes, and dashing to one of the swankiest spas in the city to sit down and talk about my relationship with food, only to realize that it’s not a secret to anyone else why I can’t stick to my eating plan. I can’t even wake up in time to shower before a 10AM meeting. (I’m a winner.) Anyway, my nutritionist loves me in spite of myself and she was kind enough to compliment how cute I looked, even though I know she was probably doing it because she knows I’m vulnerable.

Our conversation consisted of all sorts of interesting topics like good sources of protein, “trigger” foods, binge drinking, and resisting the urge to purge. (That should be a t-shirt.) All of this sharing led to said nutritionist giving me a two pieces of advice that I think we can all benefit from.

1. Losing weight does not mean gaining popularity.

Who knew. According to her, no one likes us more when we’re thin. I know, I know, it’s in stark contrast to my long-held belief that no one likes a fat kid, but she says it’s true. She has a theory that people like us for who we are. I tried to bring her over to my side. She wouldn’t budge. (I should mention, though, she is a tiny little thing… just sayin’.)

2. Never throw away clothes when you’re on your period. (Or do anything for that matter.)

Now this is something that I wish someone would have told me a loooooooong time ago. Last month, in a moment of deep dark loathing wherein I convinced myself that everything I owned was embarrassing, I gave nearly everything, including some barely worn DVF, Marc Jacobs, and Nicole Miller dresses to Boomerang. At least they benefited AIDS action… She recommended blocking off my calendar during that special time do ensure that I make no hair appointments, no decisions about the fate of my clothing, or try to leave my husband. It’s likely I’ll be sorry in short order.

I hope that this advice helps you as much as I know it’s going to help me.

Any other advice you’d like to share with me?